About Amanda

I used to love and receive love like I had little T-Rex arms.

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I realize this is an odd metaphor, but stay with me.

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For decades, I wanted to love God and people with my arms outstretched and an open heart. But spiritually and emotionally, I was built like a T-Rex. My arms were weak and ineffective -- I lacked skills to sustain the kinds of relationships I wanted.

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Meanwhile, I had a huge head filled with anxious thoughts. I carried the weight of an intellectual form of faith that was not at all comforting (and probably not theologically accurate). My mind was filled with double binds. I lived with depression and dread.

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I had big, strong legs that could run fast and serve hard. I tried to make myself essential in every area: as a volunteer at church, professionally as a journalist, as a friend who always showed up, as a wife who kept the perfect house, and as a mother who was fully present and baked themed birthday cakes.

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And I had a big tail dragging behind me, a weighty mass of undiagnosed issues. Perfectionism. Childhood trauma. Clinical depression. Codependency. Addictions. Shame. Striving. Resentments As I moved through life, my tail broke relationships and undid my hard work.

 

Then a mental health breakdown, a season of Twelve-Step recovery, and getting to know the true heart of God for humanity transformed me.

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That story of transformation is a long one as all stories of change are. But here's where I find myself today. 

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I am now a more whole-hearted child of God. I'm largely recovered from codependency and sober from alcohol for over six years. I am rested, creative, free, aware of my purpose, and at peace with my life stage. I’ve learned to receive the comfort and peace of God with my arms fully outstretched; to embrace my emotions instead of numb them out; to live in grace-filled, encouraging, authentic relationship with others; and to love with more knowledge and depth of insight.

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I’d love to come talk with your groups, teach in your recovery facility, or work with you individually to meet your recovery, spiritual and relational goals. Whether you consider yourself a person of faith, are curious about faith, or are not interested in faith at all, I’d love to see your arms grow to embrace abundant life.